On Taking Offense

Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Proverbs 19:11

Good sense is rather uncommon these days, and too many people take offense too easily. Not only do they take offense, but they take it to social media where they then give offense to the person from whom they took offense.

In a day of demands for tolerance, there looms intolerance for anyone who expresses an opinion that differs. Feelings get hurt and they cry foul. The intolerant want their own opinions commended and celebrated. They shroud themselves in victim mentality and seek sympathy.

Truth is often taken as offensive, but it is never good to skirt the truth for the sake of someone's misconceptions. How we speak truth, however, can make a difference to someone who is teachable and willing to hear.

While I doubt that most of us look for ways to offend, it seems that many look for ways to take offense. They crave affirmation in their opinions and choices, and their hypersensitivity leaves little room for being criticized. Their quest for self-construction alienates them from input that could otherwise be beneficial to their own well-being and leaves them stuck where they are.

I lay much of that fault at the feet of the school environment. As a teacher, I was encouraged to lavish praise so no child would have hurt feelings and to close the achievement gap by rewarding everyone in some way just for showing up. That approach is a misstep in teaching children to take their place in a society that will inevitably disagree with them on many issues and not reward them for lack of effort. These young adults are now facing the opinions and criticism of others, and they aren't dealing with it very well. And society is suffering as a result.

This is not to say, however, that we are never to take offense when it is intentional. Some things are wrong and injurious and should rankle us. We should be offended at harm that comes to those we should protect, offended at abuse, offended at the persecution faced by those of faith around the world.

It would better society to take a closer look at what offends us and to reserve our indignity to what really matters. Too many delude themselves with their own grandeur and get offended by the wrong things. They need to take an honest analysis of why they are offended. It would do society a world of good to flick the chips off our own shoulders.

It's just plain good sense.

 Painting ~ Daniel Ridgway Knight, 1839-1924

public domain via Wikimedia Commons

When We've Been Offended

Sharing with you today a bit of my reading from The Quest for Meekness and Quietness of Spirit by Matthew Henry (1662-1714). The subject: when we've been offended....

"In many things we all offend. This truth we have (James 3:2), and it comes in as a reason why we must not be many masters (verse 1). It would help to subdue and moderate our anger at the offenses of others, if we would but consider two things.

"First, that it is incident to human nature to offend. While we are in this world we must not expect to converse with angels, or the spirits of just men made perfect. No, we are obliged to have communication with creatures who are foolish and corrupt, peevish and provoking, and who are all subject to like passions; such as these we must live among, else must we needs go out of the world. And have we not reason then to count upon something or other uneasy and displeasing in all relations and conversations? The best men have their roughnesses and unevennesses in this imperfect state; those who are savingly enlightened, yet knowing but in part have their blind side. The harmony, even of the communion of saints, will sometimes be disturbed with jarring strings. Why then should we be surprised into passion and disquiet when that which gives us the disturbance is no more than what we looked for? Instead of being angry, we should think with ourselves thus: Alas! what could I expect but provocation from corrupt and fallen man? Among such foolish creatures as we are, it must needs be that offences will come; and why should not I have my share of those offences? The consideration of the common infirmity and corruption of mankind should be made use of, not to excuse our own faults to ourselves, which does but take off the edge of our repentance, and is the poor subterfuge of a deceived heart; but to excuse the faults of others, and so take off the edge of our passion and displeasure, and preserve the meekness and quietness of our spirits.

"Second, that it is incident to ourselves, among the rest, to offend. The apostle there puts himself into the number, saying, "We all offend." We offend God; if we say we do not, we deceive ourselves, and yet he bears with us from day to day, and is not extreme to mark what we do amiss, though our debts to him are talents, our brethren's to us but pence. Think then, if God should be as angry with me for every provocation as I am with those about me what would become of me? They are careless in their observance, and perhaps willful in their offence, and am not I so to God? Yea, am not I a thousand times worse? Job said, when his servants were provoking, and he was tempted to be harsh with them, "What then shall I do, when God riseth up? And when he visiteth, what shall I answer him?" (Job 31:13-14)

"And are we not enough likewise to offend our brethren? Either we have offended, or may offend; so that we have need that others should bear with us and why should we not bear with them?"

Painting ~ Young Girl Holding a Letter (detail) 1665, Caspar Netscher 1639-1684

Wikimedia Commons public domain