Sunday Ponderings ~ Dimmer Still

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Look full in His wonderful face.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.

Photo ~ Sunlight in the Forest

Created by Danmir12 - Freepik.com

The Simple Woman's Daybook

On Saturdays I reflect on simple thoughts and simple pleasures. My leads are somewhat similar to others in The Simple Woman's Daybook group, yet a bit different as well.

Outside my window...
Getting dark earlier. Autumn is approaching. My favorite season.

Noticing the sound of... 
My Beloved opening his Ott Light box. It will help as he tinkers on his electronics. He likes to buy from Goodwill, fix it up, and sell it on ebay. :-)

Thinking...
I haven't blogged since we went to Chicago for Elijah's 2nd birthday. Getting back into the routine of things.

A Few Pictures to Share...

Elijah's favorite gift. He's a Thomas fan!

Book Love~Anytime's a good time for a book!

Birthday Trip to the Petting Zoo

Thankful...
For interstates to Chicago. Distance is no friend to families.

From the sewing room...
I showed you a dress not long ago that I made for an orphanage in Africa. I've been making more Little Dresses for Africa, getting stations ready for our women's group at church to have a sewing bee. Here's a picture of some that I've just recently finished.

A thought from my Quiet Time...
I've been reading through the passion week in the gospels, and was reminded today how monstrous envy can be. "For He [Jesus] was aware that the chief priests had handed Him over because of envy." (Mk. 15:10)

This coming week I'm looking forward to...
Beginning a Mom's Group in my home, discussing The Mission of Motherhood: Touching Your Child's Heart for Eternity by Sally Clarkson.


Learning...
Not to eat a whole Tudor's muffin at one sitting. I thought I learned that the last time.

From the garden...  
Some sort of fungus is among us. It started while we were in Chicago. Had to spray and pinch back the zinnias. A few of the plants died, but they were quite bright and cheery while we had them!

Around the house...
My Beloved is almost finished with the bathroom walls. Got the wallpaper down, but alas, the primer was up to no good. Apparently it froze during storage and revolted at the thought of going on the wall. What did stick had to be sanded off. Argh. Bought new primer and it's lookin' good! Soon to the final coat!

From the kitchen...
I had not heard of pastisio until recently. The cinnamon and nutmeg give it an autumnish aroma. Had some today and sharing the recipe with you.

1 lb. ground beef, browned
1 onion, chopped
1 clove garlic, minced
8 ox. can tomato sauce
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
2 cups elbow macaroni, cooked and divided
1/4 cup butter
3 tbsp all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp pepper
1/4 tsp nutmeg
2 eggs
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese

Brown beef, onion and garlic in skillet: heat until onion and garlic are tender. Stir in tomato sauce, oregano, salt and cinnamon; simmer for 5 minutes. Meanwhile, melt butter in a saucepan; whisk in flour, pepper and nutmeg until smooth. Gradually pour in milk; heat until thickened. Remove from heat; whisk in eggs and Parmesan cheese. Set aside. Spread one cup macaroni in a greased 8x8 baking pan. Cover with meat sauce. Top with remaining macaroni. Pour milk mixture over macaroni; bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes or until top is golden. Serves 4.

Currently reading...
For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay. It's one I read many years ago as my own children were growing up. It's recently been reprinted and I'll give to my daughter as she begins her own homeschooling journey with our little Elijah. Sharing a bit as I read.

Where to start? How? Parents need to evaluate their priorities. They need to consider why they respond, "We wouldn't have time to read a book together every day. We don't have time to hike/camp/paint/talk with our children." What is really important? Educational institutions make poor substitute mothers, fathers, and homes. There has never been a generation when children have so desperately needed their parents' time, thoughtful creativity, and friendship. The surrounding culture is deeply out of step with the Word of God. Other pressures threaten to take away sanity, stability, and simple humanity.

Something Better

The woman who makes a sweet, beautiful home,
filling it with love and prayer and purity,

is doing something better
than anything else her hands could find to do beneath the skies.
 
Secrets of Happy Home Life, 1894

J. R. Miller

Painting ~ Breakfast Time, Harry Brooker 1848-1940

via I Am A Child in Art History

Sunday Ponderings ~ Anger, My Way

My ponderings today come from Ephesians 4, thoughts spawned from our pastor's sermon. Here the Apostle Paul is instructing believers to change their ways and live differently than they did as unbelievers. One aspect of change is that of anger: 

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil (v. 26-27).

Through the Apostle Paul, God is telling us not to sin in our anger. There is a positive form of anger that sets itself against wrong--anger at the taking of a life (whether born or yet-to-be-born), anger at injustice, anger at evil. There's much to be angry about in our broken-down, sinful world. Jesus was angry about some things, too. In being angry about what we should be angry about, however, we are not to let sin take us over. That nullifies the positive aspects of our anger.

How can we know if our anger is the good kind or the bad kind? As Pastor pointed out, it depends on who the focus is. Is it an unselfish anger based on love for God and those we love? Or is it selfish anger based on love for ourselves and how something goes against our own desires?

As Pastor was talking about how people can explode with anger and how harmful and sinful that is, my thoughts also went to those who implode with anger. That's more my style. Still harmful and sinful. Still giving opportunity to the devil.

Imploding anger is more the kind that we take to bed with us when the sun goes down. We lie there and think about it; we grow bitter and resentful and defensive; we make our case and how we'll deal with this the next opportunity we get. It smolders and takes its toll. And we've given opportunity to the devil to drain our soul. Not only this, but it grieves God who redeemed us.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption (v.30)

What's the remedy for the bad kind of anger? It's replacing the bad thoughts with the good thoughts.

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.(v. 31-32)

Our feelings always flow from our thoughts, and actions follow feelings. So we change how we think, which will change how we feel, which will change how we act or react.

I have a painted board sitting in our family room that says,

Be Kinder Than Necessary

It's hard to be kind when I don't feel like being kindly toward someone. It's hard to feel kindly when I'm thinking wrong thoughts toward them.

I think you get the idea.

I have Philippians 4:8 framed above my kitchen cabinets. One phrase per frame that reminds me how I should think. I constantly need reminded.

Whatever is true 

Whatever is honorable 

Whatever is right 

Whatever is pure 

Whatever is lovely 

Whatever is of good report

If there is any excellence and

If anything worthy of praise

Think on these things!

[emphasis mine!]

So I ask myself, "What are my thoughts about this?" What's my focus? God's ways? My ways? What am I thinking on?

Painting ~ Lady Reading by a Window, Thomas Benjamin Kennington 1856-1916
Wikimedia Commons public domain

Thoughts on Love and Change

My daughter Elizabeth is a family counselor at their church, and not long ago after her husband presented a sermon on biblical love, he invited her to come up and discuss some issues with him from a counselor's perspective. I thought I'd share that discussion with you today.


What do relationships look like when the individuals are expressing jealousy and arrogance instead of biblical love?
As you said, biblical love makes the benefit of the other person its top priority. Jealousy makes the benefit of myself top priority, so much so that I resent the benefit of the other. This can definitely happen in a marriage gone awry, where there is so much resentment over past hurts built up that the spouses actually begin to wish for harm to come on the other. “I wish they would die, then I would be free to marry someone else.”

It can also happen in parent-child relationships when, for example, a mother is so jealous of her daughter’s youth or talents that she begins to resent her daughter. This will drive her to behave in ways that tear her daughter down (name-calling, mocking, degrading remarks, over-control, etc).

I’ve counseled others in roommate situations where there is an underlying coldness between the two because of one’s jealousy, so much so that it drove the jealous roommate into an eating disorder. “I’ve got to be skinnier than her, prettier than her, smarter than her...”

Arrogance in a relationship says “I’m not the one with the problem; you are. If you wouldn’t do ____ then we’d be OK.” Arrogance makes people completely blind to their own faults and focuses on the faults of the other. Arrogant people are very good at naming the sins of the other and being strangely silent in regards to their own.

This happens all the time in couples that I’ve counseled. When discussing a certain issue, one spouse says “We argued because George raised his voice,” or “If Sally hadn’t disrespected me, I wouldn’t have slapped her.” Or even, “It’s your fault we’re in counseling — you’re the one with the problem. If you hadn’t had _____, we wouldn’t need this.” It also happens in parent-child relationships where the parent is convinced the reason the child is disrespectful is because of the child — “I’m doing everything I can for this child, and this is how they treat me?” — when often there are underlying issues that place responsibility on the parent.


Paint a picture for us of a relationship involving self-seeking, irritation, or record keeping.
It’s a classic picture — in the heart of an argument, things that were done years ago are brought up in an effort to get in that last verbal punch. Wives who come to counseling with a tablet tracking each incident in which her husband has mistreated her. Brothers and sisters refusing to speak to each other because of a past argument. This is record-keeping.

I’ve worked with counselees who are habitually irritated. One who wanted her roommates to conform to her desires, to cater to her preferences. She wanted them to be quiet when she got home from work, to leave her alone for a quiet dinner or coffee break, to be meticulous about household chores. Or the husband who is short-fused when he comes home after work because his children won’t let him alone to watch TV or read the paper, or the house is a wreck, or the baby needs changed.


How would you as a counselor enable someone to see this in their own life?
I always have people journal. The journal is my main tool for helping people identify problem areas in their life and heart. I ask them to make a note on a sheet of paper every time they experience a negative emotion — anger, irritation, depression, sadness, anxiety, worry, fear, dislike, whatever. Then I ask them to answer a few questions about each scenario:
What was the situation? What happened?
What was I thinking about during the situation?
What was I feeling? What emotions was I experiencing?
What did I do/what was my behavior?
And, most importantly, What did I want? What did I desire or crave? What did I think I needed?

As we review these journals weekly, we begin to see patterns in a person’s life, and it becomes apparent to both of us where ungodliness resides and where their problem spots are.


Since being unloving is so ugly and obvious to people around us, why do we act unlovingly towards others? After everyone has heard my sermon today, why would we not all just go home and start loving one another?

Because of that last question I described when explaining the journal. When it comes down to it, we want, desire, or crave something more than we want to honor God. We desire that thing so badly that we will do whatever it takes — unloving or not, sinful or not — in order to get it. We call these “ruling desires.” Often in the case of the jealous person, that ruling desire is for the praise of others, or affirmation. This is tied to the concept of identity — do I seek after the cultural ideal? Do I believe I am entitled to the things culture tells me I am? Or do I see myself through a biblical lens?

For the arrogant person, the ruling desire is often control — or “the need to be right.” For the person who keeps records of wrongs, the ruling desire is likely safety and security: “I won’t feel secure until you prove yourself 100%, and since I am entitled to feel secure, I won’t make myself vulnerable to you until you straighten up.” For the irritated person, that desire is likely comfort and ease — “I want life to be easy, and when you make it difficult, I get upset.”

We all want something, and it is this heart desire that drives us. It is why we do what we do. If I truly and genuinely desire to please God and sacrifice my own cravings, I will live in godliness and will live out biblical love. If, however, I am unwilling to give up my craving, I will always put it above obedience to God.


How can we see tangible change in our relationships?
Well, it’s not to simply resolve to do better, to be more loving, to change our ways. We have to start with our hearts — at the level where our ruling desire dwells. When we understand that the reason we do what we do is because of unruly desires running amok in our hearts, we understand that change must begin with repentance. Put simply, we are sinners in need of a Savior. Will we admit that? Will we admit that we want something more than we want to obey God, and that this is therefore sin? Will we, as James puts it, “grieve, mourn, and wail” over these sins in true repentance? Then, will we identify tangible, practical ways that we can “put off” the old ways and “put on” the godly ways? Will we do the work of rehabituating ourselves? I often take counselees back to their journals to help them flesh this out. We look at old, ungodly ways of thinking and behaving and then we look at replacement biblical thoughts and replacement biblical behaviors. We then develop action plans to help them live out these new thoughts and behaviors.

Change is not quick, and change is not easy, but it’s the process of sanctification — growing in grace, and daily becoming more like Christ.

Painting ~ Das Stelldichein 1903, Carl Schweinger 1854-1903
Wikimedia public domain

August in the Book Nook

I've been working on a bulletin insert today for the Book Nook at church. Thought I'd share some brief highlights with you.

Changed Into His Image

Jim Berg helps us see ourselves as we are, the first step in biblical change. This is practical help on how transforming the mind can change our sinful disposition. Not just any change, but biblical change into the image of Christ. This is not change that we can make on our own, but change that God does hold us responsible to make. It’s about thinking correctly, about heart change.

Joyfully at Home: A Book for Young Ladies on Vision and Hope

Twenty-year-old Jasmine Baucham writes, “I want to encourage young women to shift their focus, to turn their hearts towards the home, to be enthusiastic and vibrant, purposeful and driven, meticulous and passionately focused….I want them to grasp the bigger picture: A vision for the home as hub of ministry and discipleship, as training ground for life ahead, as a place where they can bless those nearest and dearest to them, and as a result, turn that blessing outward toward others in their church and community.”

 

 

Sacred Marriage

Gary Thomas asks, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”  This is not a book that tells us how to manipulate our words and actions so we can ultimately get what we want out of marriage. It’s a book that provides a biblical basis for how our marriage can help us know God, our spouse, and ourselves in ways that are sanctifying and, ultimately, satisfying.  

 

Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts It’s hardest to trust God when life hurts. Jerry Bridges shows us God’s sovereignty—that He is working all things for His glory and for our good, in tandem.  Always. Not only is He sovereign, but He is wise and loving. "Trust is not a passive state of mind. It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we choose to lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelms us."

Where's My Focus?

Thinking today about the idea of being a servant of God, particularly the concept of God doing His work through me, rather than my doing something for God. Do you see the difference in focus? God working through me is God working. The focus is God. My doing something for God is my working, and the focus is me.

Apart from God I can do nothing (John 15:5). As a servant, I must do what the Master wills. How do I know what the Master wills? By being in His Word, where I learn the heart of the Master. As I live in His will, He works through me to fulfill whatever purposes He desires. Because I can do nothing apart from God, He doesn't send me off to accomplish something all by myself. His Holy Spirit living in me works through me.

When the focus is my doing, I can get weary and worn trying to do, do, do. When the focus is God, I can rest in knowing His purposes are always accomplished, whether I'm able to see it or not. And I can be grateful that He chooses to use a vessel as myself to fulfill whatever purposes He may choose.

And so I ask myself--Where is my focus? On myself or on God? Am I busy doing things for God, or am I allowing Him to work through me?

Painting ~ A Girl Reading 1878, Edward G. Peruigini 1839-1918

Wikimedia public domain

The Wise, Thrifty, and Cheerful Regulation of the Household

I was looking through a vintage magazine this evening that had caught my attention not long ago at an antique shop—The Modern Priscilla, published January 1920. I liked the cover, so I bought it.

U.S. involvement in World War had taken a toll on the American economy, and The Modern Priscilla referred to homemakers as the Woman Army. The introductory article entitled "The March Toward Better Things" gives the mission of the magazine--"If we can help the women of today to the realization of greater beauty in their homes, ... to the wise, thrifty, and cheerful regulation of their household--if we can do all this, and add thereunto the relaxation of a good story, with now and then a thought to carry through the busy days--we shall feel that we have a rightful place beside her in this Woman Army's march toward better things."

And so to encourage the wise, thrifty, and cheerful regulation of her household, the publishers of The Modern Priscilla ran a Budget Contest and published three prize-winning manuscripts. I found the winner of the “Over $2500” category (the highest of the three categories) particularly interesting. She explained their reasoning behind their family budget and gave a rundown of their “Monthly Division”. They were newlyweds, with a mother living with them. Old Dear is the husband. It’s evident in her writing and the budget itself that this young homemaker is not self-focused and looks well to the ways of her household.

Savings $65.00

Insurance 12.00

Lord’s money 15.00

Rent 31.50

Sundries 1.00

House expense 45.00

Clothes 15.00

Health 5.00

Recreation 10.00

Entertainment 2.50

Old Dear 30.00

Mother 10.00

Yours Truly’s pin money 8.00

She writes—

“When we returned from our honeymoon last September, we sat down together to a delightfully serious session and discussed finances. There, I believe, stands the first principle in budget-making. The budget must be a joint proposition. It must represent the added experience of both husband and wife. They are partners in a going concern; both must take financial responsibility; both should know the resources and liabilities of the family. Then, if one of those distressing accidents which will sometimes happen, should occur, money affairs will go on smoothly and not prove an added burden. Then, too, if there is mutual frankness and confidence, the working out of the budget will not prove irksome.”

     She sums up the advantages of a budget:

1. It insures saving. You save a definite amount, not what is “left over.”
2. Having a definite amount makes wise investing easier.
3. It insures money on hand for all ordinary, and some unusual needs.
4. Prevents extravagance in any one direction.
5. Prevents marring the serenity of the home or bickering over finances.
6. Makes the wife a real partner in the firm.
7. Gives the humblest clerk the fun of managing a real business.
8. Makes for a balanced life. Sometimes the figures show startling facts.

And—the figuring takes very little time, far less than that consumed “wondering where the money goes.”

Good advice for those of us managing a household in 2011 as well!

She looketh well to ways of her household…Give her the product of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gate. ~Proverbs 31

If We Knew All

"Isn't it splendid to think of all the things there are to find out about? It just makes me feel glad to be alive--it's such an interesting world. It wouldn't be half so interesting if we know all about everything, would it? There'd be no scope for imagination then, would there?"  

- Lucy Maud Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables


Painting ~ Blackberries 1812, Elizabeth Forbes, 1859-1912
Wikimedia Commons public domain