While this student has the maturity to ask for clarification, children typically don't. When we fail to give requirements for a task before it's begun, we set our children up for failure. And when the task isn't completed to our liking, it's not necessarily the child's fault but, rather, our failure to be explicit as to expectations for the task.
If we don't realize the underlying problem and then begin to belittle our children, their spirit can be bruised, and eventually our relationship with them is harmed. Resentment may settle in on our children for being belittled or on ourselves for thinking they are being obstinate. Children can also begin to feel that they fail at every turn or that we can never be pleased. This is not the way to train up a child in the way he should go.
Children begin to understand themselves from those who nurture them. They are valued by God and need to feel valued by us. If we sense that our children are feeling devalued or insecure, we need to check how we're communicating our expectations. Even though each child may respond differently, the impact of belittling is felt in their hearts even if it doesn't show on their faces. Many of us have grown up with scarred hearts that often take years to heal, if they even do.
Whether it's our children or our grandchildren, expectations need to be clear. When we show that our expectations are not met over and over again, children learn not to expect that anything they do will be acceptable to us. And it will be a downhill spiral between the two of us.
Some suggestions to keep good vibes flowing between us and within the child's own spirit:
- Be clear as to our expectations. Does she understand what we want her to do?
- Be realistic in our expectations. Can he actually do what we want him to do?
- Be affirming as we instruct. Telling them what not to do implies that we assume that they'll do it wrong before they even begin. Not: "Don't just throw your shoes in a pile in the closet." Instead, "Put your shoes on the rack in the closet."
And if they break something in their feeble attempts, we need to let it go if it wasn't intentional. What's a broken dish compared to a broken spirit? Our reactions at times such as this will stay with our children for a long, long, long time. Some of us still hear the echoes.
Belittling isn't training. It isn't discipline. It's Shaming. It's rejection. It hurts.
Image ~ Just An Accident
Philippe Francois Sauvage, 19th century
public domain
