I read a short story in which the author had been pining that her husband usually doesn't get her anything for Christmas until she tells him what she wants. Or she buys it herself and puts a tag on it from him because, after all, he pays for it. She usually chooses her own gift, wraps it, and puts it under the tree. But she doesn't really like this approach to getting a gift. She wants him to think of something for her himself and put it under the tree nicely wrapped. I think we all understand her feelings.
A gift connects two people in some positive, heartfelt way. While choosing a gift, thoughts are about the person we're giving it to, their interests or perhaps their need. We have that person on our mind during the giving process. The gift is in some manner an affirmation of the person receiving it.
The author writes about the time her husband surprised her with a special gift and made that a Christmas she remembers with fondness. Yet, in spite of all the brooding over her husband's usual way at Christmas, she wanted her friend to pick out a gift for herself. At least she was honest enough to say that she had neither the time nor the energy to do the shopping. But she did want to give a gift.
I'm wondering, how is this any different from her husband's manner of giving? It's okay for her. Not okay for him. We all have our blind spots, double standards, unfulfilled expectations, call them for what they are. Why is it that we so often fail to see ourselves with the very foibles we accuse others? We so often attribute positive motivations to what we do ourselves, yet interpret those same actions in negative ways when someone else is the doer of them, especially when it affects us personally.
While the emphasis at Christmas is on giving generously, it's also a time of receiving graciously. Receiving can often be just as much a virtue as giving--if we receive with a grateful heart that in some form or fashion, we are the object of another person's positive thoughts. Even if it's ever-so-slight. However awkwardly they may be expressing it, and however it may not rise to our expectations.
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