Love, But Not for These Things in Themselves

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning
 

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
'I love her for her smile—her look—her way
Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,—and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity. 

Image ~ Childhood Sweethearts
Frederick Morgan, 1847-1927
public domain 

On Belittling

A classmate's question to the professor reminded me how we need to instruct the children in our lives: "I'm wondering where I can find the requirements for cover pages for our papers? In the first class I took with you I didn't meet the requirements, but I never found out what they were."
 
While this student has the maturity to ask for clarification, children typically don't. When we fail to give requirements for a task before it's begun, we set our children up for failure. And when the task isn't completed to our liking, it's not necessarily the child's fault but, rather, our failure to be explicit as to expectations for the task.

If we don't realize the underlying problem and then begin to belittle our children, their spirit can be bruised, and eventually our relationship with them is harmed. Resentment may settle in on our children for being belittled or on ourselves for thinking they are being obstinate. Children can also begin to feel that they fail at every turn or that we can never be pleased. This is not the way to train up a child in the way he should go.

Children begin to understand themselves from those who nurture them. They are valued by God and need to feel valued by us. If we sense that our children are feeling devalued or insecure, we need to check how we're communicating our expectations. Even though each child may respond differently, the impact of belittling is felt in their hearts even if it doesn't show on their faces. Many of us have grown up with scarred hearts that often take years to heal, if they even do.

Whether it's our children or our grandchildren, expectations need to be clear. When we show that our expectations are not met over and over again, children learn not to expect that anything they do will be acceptable to us. And it will be a downhill spiral between the two of us.

Some suggestions to keep good vibes flowing between us and within the child's own spirit:

- Be clear as to our expectations. Does she understand what we want her to do?

- Be realistic in our expectations. Can he actually do what we want him to do?

- Be affirming as we instruct. Telling them what not to do implies that we assume that they'll do it wrong before they even begin. Not: "Don't just throw your shoes in a pile in the closet." Instead, "Put your shoes on the rack in the closet."

And if they break something in their feeble attempts, we need to let it go if it wasn't intentional. What's a broken dish compared to a broken spirit? Our reactions at times such as this will stay with our children for a long, long, long time. Some of us still hear the echoes.

Belittling isn't training. It isn't discipline. It's Shaming. It's rejection. It hurts.

Image ~ Just An Accident

Philippe Francois Sauvage, 19th century

public domain

On Lending Books

I pulled a book from the bookshelf today that was lent to me over fifty years ago. No, it's not one that I forgot to return, although I've done that upon occasion (and have lost a few myself the same way). This book is dear to me because it was lent when I was a relatively new believer in my late teens. I didn't ask to borrow it, but the person who lent it knew I needed it, and so offered it to me.

I was eager to read its pages as I began to study the Scriptures with more than a cursory reading. I still pull it off the shelf occasionally when I read through the gospel of John, which is the title of the book from the bookshelf--The Gospel of John by Henry A. Ironside. It's a collection of sermons that he preached as pastor of Moody Memorial Church of Chicago, first published in 1942 during World War II. As he says in the preface, it isn't a scholarly book but, rather, meant for the masses who came to hear him preach or listened over the radio. Difficult times send people searching for the truth.

This book is not only dear to me because it was the first commentary sort of book that I had read, but it was lent to me by My Beloved's father who passed from this life to his heavenly one twenty-one years ago this month. We were the recipients of the books from his bookshelf that he used in preparation for the adult Sunday School class that he taught for many years.

Each time I hold this 1956 edition in my hands, I'm reminded of the importance of speaking into the lives of fellow Christians by lending our books to them, even if they haven't asked. Or better, by buying them a copy and giving it to them so they can ponder its pages without the time pressure of returning it. They may not read it, but then again, they might. I gave such a book to a new friend who had just become a widow. She then purchased 25 copies to give away herself!

Whether they're young believers or those who have walked with the Lord for several years, or even fifty years, it's a way of encouraging one another to spiritual growth and understanding. A book can also be a tremendous comfort in time of emotional need.

Oh, and I did return the book to my not-then father-in-law. Little did I know then that I would marry his son and would pull the book from our own bookcase fifty years later.

To Endless Years the Same

Before the hills in order stood

or earth received its frame,

from everlasting Thou art God,

to endless years the same.

-Isaac Watts, 1719
from O God, Our Help in Ages Past

 Image~Pixabay 

The Need to Be Alert

Writing briefly as I think through a point on spiritual warfare from a lecture in reference to the three sources of temptation--the world, the flesh, and the devil. 

Although Satan with his demons and evil spirits is, indeed, a great force of deceit to be reckoned with, he is too often seen as the cause of our sin (sometimes our own blame-shifting maneuver), but our flesh is often our own worst enemy. 

Satan isn't the only one that is deceitful. Our own heart is deceitful; who can know it? And certainly the world's system is deceitful and beguiling, so we face deception from all vantage points. 

Which is why we must be alert and gain wisdom and discernment of good and evil through the diligence of studying God's Word, with dependence on the Holy Spirit to teach us all things.