For the Children's Sake

I dropped by our daughter's house yesterday to help her decide about an entryway rug. It was so good to see the family since these days the visits are few. The grandchildren were happily riding their bikes on the driveway and drawing raceways with colored chalk. They've been having more imaginative childhood play away from scheduled afternoon activities while they wait out the Covid-19 days. They homeschool, so mornings haven't changed much, but I know they're looking forward to getting back to being with friends at church and soccer and gymnastics and drama class and swimming and co-op gatherings and club meetings and overnighters with Nana and Grandad and ....

I know I long to get back to some activities myself, but this has been a good time to consider how important each of those activities actually are. What do I really need to be doing? What do I miss doing? What have I done instead? Which is more fruitful?

I think this down time is an especially opportune time for parents to reconsider their children's activities away from home. Do these activities pull the family apart or bring them together in a good way? I know that sometimes getting children involved elsewhere helps developmentally, but are all the activities needed to accomplish that? It's good to ask ourselves what the goals are with the activities we might have each of our children going to. And what does each activity take away from them as they spend time at it?

When our children were seven and ten, we had a two-year temporary assignment several states away. Most of what we were accustomed to doing was left behind. The girls and I needed to rebuild our daily life. Their dad's days were pre-programmed with work, but the girls and I had to make our own way. We found that it was good, though, to go back to the foundation and stack the bricks with what was truly important at that time.  It happened again two years later when we returned from the temporary assignment. This change forever changed how we did family life. Those were the beginning of the teen years, years that I could have lived in forever. Children grow into teens who become young adults, and off they go. If we hadn't had that last opportunity for change, we would not be who we are today. Sometimes it's good to just be able to start over.

The time may soon be approaching (hopefully so!) when families will be free to start over. We're told that the start-over will begin slowly. I pray that families will take the opportunity to consider what is truly needful for their family. Undoubtedly, it will be some of the previous activities. But, perhaps, it might not be all of them.

For the children's sake.

A New Day Has Dawned

The LORD hath done great things for us; 

whereof we are glad.

Psalm 126:3

We are coming into the sunlight. 
Or is it that the sunlight has come to us?

Grandchildren are now living nearby. 

A gift far beyond our expectations. 

Which has meant less time at the keyboard. But it is so good of you to stop by. Do linger for awhile. I hope that some of my writing may be helpful to you as it has been for me to process some thoughts over the years, that it draws your heart Homeward. I find myself returning here upon occasion to reflect on ways that God has worked through the months and years. And to be reminded of the great things that He has done.

A new day has dawned, and we are glad. 

Image via Pixabay

Don't Sell It Short--Immediate or Extended

"The family is wonderful, but unless we understand the family in the context of the triune God who is magnifying and manifesting His glory in the world and painting the picture of it through this union that we call the family, then we are selling it short and we are not seeing it for what it really is and we are limiting our capacity to enjoy it and our capacity to glorify God through it as well."

- Voddie Baucham 

 Grace Quotes Personal Interview, 2016

Not Even His Brothers

I've often heard it said that family members are the most difficult ones to witness to about their need for Jesus. They know us too well is often the lament. This may reveal the fact that we're often hypocritical or that our old nature too often is on display. We surely need to give attention to our walk and our talk.

But we are not the only stumbling blocks in drawing others to Jesus. Just as some of us may have been before we came to faith in Him, we tripped over ourselves. We did not (would not) believe. While the door is always open to whosoever will come, we cannot come unless we are drawn by the Holy Spirit. We err when we think we hold the key to the decisive moment of entrance.

As I was reading today, I came to John 7:5, "for not even His brothers were believing in Him." Here is the Christ Himself who lived for 30 years in the same house with His brothers, and He is perfect. He always walked His talk. They knew Him very well as a brother, so there is more to it than the supposition of thinking family "knows us too well."

While our purpose is to glorify God in all we do, only God can draw people to Himself. And so we pray to that end. Jesus' brother James believed only after His resurrection, which is the foundation of the Christian faith. That was the pivotal point for James. That's when He understood fully his own need and the scope of redemption through Jesus.

We don't know what the pivotal point may be for a family member. But it is surely that they must understand their need and see Jesus as their redemption. We, ourselves, must walk in a manner worthy of our own calling in the meantime. And lest we think it's about us, know that it's about being an ambassador for Him.

Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

~ 2 Corinthians 5:20 

Image ~ A Close Game

Harry Brooker, 1848-1940

public domain

Its Neglect ~ A Strange Inconsistency

Interior with Woman Teaching Child to Pray

I trust there are none here present, who profess to be followers of Christ, who do not also practice prayer in their families. We may have no positive commandment for it, but we believe that it is so much in accord with the genius and spirit of the gospel, and that it is so commended by the example of the saints, that the neglect thereof is a strange inconsistency.       

- Charles Spurgeon

Restraining Prayer, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit v. 51 p. 327

Painting - Interior with Woman Teaching Child to Pray

Pierre-Edouard Frere, 1819-1886

public domain via Wikimedia Commons

Deepen Our Home Affections

We thank You for this our earthly home. 

We thank You for the love that binds us together, 

For the refuge we find here from this world's enmities. 

Here we can trust each other, and are sure of each other's love. 

Deepen our home affections. 

Draw us closer together as a family. 

Make our home-life sweeter. 

Enable us to be more helpful to each other. 

Teach us patience in our family and in all our mingling together. 

Help us to find the best things in each other, 

And to give one to the other the best things of love we have in our hearts.

 ~ J. R. Miller, in Family Prayers for Thirteen Weeks

Image ~ Child at Prayer, Eastman Johnson 1873

public domain via Wikimedia Commons

Thankful Thursday ~ New Beginnings

New beginnings happen throughout life.

My 87-year-old mother signed up for a writing class at the local senior center, and today was her first session. Not that writing is anything new to her, but it's been several years since she's gone to class. The anticipation was a bit anxiety producing, as new endeavors are to most of us.

As we drove to class, she jabbered about one thing then another, wondering how the class would be. Would they read the stories aloud? Would they critique each other's stories? And she wondered if she'd be the oldest, and maybe people would "wonder what this old lady is doing here." It didn't help that there was road construction, which added anxiety to the possibility of being late. But she was the first to arrive.

I watched as she timidly walked in with a couple of stories in hand that she had written over the past several years. Students were to bring something that would give the instructor an idea of their writing, and as she pored over her stories in anticipation, she had chosen two that she was ready to share with the group. One was about her grandson's visit when he was just a little fella, about his expecting to be able to take a monkey home from the zoo because she had asked which animal he liked best.

I sat near her classroom, planning to do some reading for a class of my own, but kept wondering how it was going for her. Would she want to come again next week, or would she find it too taxing? After the two hours of class, out she came with a new-found friend about her own age. She was in seventh heaven. I asked how she liked it. "I loved it!!"

New people. New stories to hear. New stories to write.

New beginnings. They happen throughout life, no matter our age.

So thankful for them.

Image ~ Scion via pixabay

CC0 Creative Commons

Thankful Thursday ~ Continuing Her Journey

Thankful that my mother came home from the hospital yesterday, celebrated her 87th birthday today, and is ready to continue her journey. She wrote her memoirs a few years back and has had a few short stories published. There are still stories in her mind that she wants to write and leave to family. She's a C.S. Lewis fan, a lifelong learner, and now she's ready to take another creative writing class at the senior center. She is weak and easily fatigued, but we are thankful for her continued interest in her writing.

Thankful Thursday ~ Caring Doctors

I took my mother and sister to the doctor today and was once again thankful that he is a very caring person. He explains thoroughly what is going on, and my mother says she has learned a lot in a little more than a year that she has been seeing him. He reminds her of one of her favored grandsons. My sister has just recently become his patient, too, but as yet she is rather unsure about him.

My sister has an aversion to doctors and hospitals after a near death experience several years ago, so at the sound of the word hospital she begins to get agitated, to put it mildly. More like hysterical. The word hospital was said today in regard to my mother, and the hysteria started to rouse itself. I was there to take notes, but we decided I should take her out while the doctor talked with Mom.

When we were called back into his office, she was calmed and he began to talk with her in a very caring, cordial manner. My sister is often difficult to understand, but the doctor carried on a productive conversation with her, and she left in pretty good spirits. The hospital is still in Mom's near future, so when that day comes, so will the hysteria. But for now it has been put at rest.

God's grace is sufficient, and there are those He puts in our path through whom His grace flows. I'm thankful for this doctor who told my sister that he is our friend. And I think he truly is.

Image via pixabay

CCO Creative Commons

Weakness, A Good Thing?

The Nut Gatherers, William Adolphe Bouguereau, 1882

Sometimes we have to be strong for the weak. My sister who lives with my parents is weak mentally from birth complications and needs the strength of her family, those who surround her with love and care.

And we urge you, brothers, ... encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.  (1 Thessalonians 5:14)

Yet, where do any of us find our strength? I often feel weakness rather than strength. But it is in that very weakness that God gives grace, and His strength is then made manifest.

Acknowledging weakness brings hope. Then we can look beyond ourselves and autonomy. We were created for relationships, to be interdependent on one another. Where I am weak, another is strong. We bring our strengths and weaknesses to one another.

Yet, back to the question... where do any of us find our strength?
My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:2)
For when I am weak, He is strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10)

It is good that His strength is seen through our weakness. Our purpose is to glorify Him, and it is as others see Him at work in us that we glorify the giver of all grace and all strength. For it is in Him that they will find hope and call out for His strength in their own weakness.

My sister struggles in ways others of us in our family do not. But her faith in Jesus is strong, and she is a true prayer warrior for those she loves. I know God will strengthen her with His abundant grace when she needs it most greatly. Our parents are elderly, and I sometimes wonder how she will cope when their final days come. I've seen anxiety and fear arise quickly within her whenever our mother becomes ill. In time, she will need God's strength pouring from His hand through her family to uphold her. I am thankful we can look beyond ourselves in our need.

So you, too, dear one, be strong and of good courage, for the giver of grace and strength is at work in you, if you are one of His children. But if you are not one of His, do seek Him, and you will find Him.  

Seek the Lord while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. (Isaiah 56:6)

Painting ~ The Nut Gatherers, William Adolphe Bouguereau, 1882

WikiArt public domain 

Finding the Way to Your Child's Heart

from J.C.Ryle:

Train up your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience. 

I do not mean that you are to spoil him, 

but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him. 

Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct. 

Kindness

Gentleness

Long-suffering

Patience

Forbearance

Sympathy

A willingness to enter into childish troubles

A readiness to take part in childish joys

These are the cords by which a child may be led most easily.

These are the clues you must follow.

If you would find the way to his heart.

~ J.C. Ryle,  from The Duties of Parents

1888

Painting ~ Mother and Daughters Playing Chess, Francis Coates Jones (1857-1932)

Wiki Gallery, public domain
(It looks like checkers to me, but enjoyment nevertheless)

From One Generation to Another

Our Sunday School class had talked last week about the spiritual benefits of keeping a journal. Talk turned to letters and journals that some in the class have from family members passed down through the years and what a blessing they are. I got to thinking about my own parents and grandchildren and that I have many letters and a couple of my mother's journals from years past, but I don't have anything written by my dad.

So yesterday was my Dad's 91st birthday, and I gave him a devotional journal with a letter tucked inside. I began: Happy 91st birthday, Dad! I've been thinking about your life and faith and how God has been faithful to you through these many years. I've also been thinking how Elijah and Anna and Daniel could be encouraged by your example as they would learn how God has been faithful.... As they grow older they will face difficulties and challenges, as you have, and I'm sure that knowing how God has been faithful to Grandpa would be an encouragement to them as they face similar times....  

I know that whatever Dad may write in his journal will be a blessing to those who will read and ponder its pages. And his words will be treasured for generations to come.

One generation shall praise Your works to another, and shall declare Your mighty acts.

Psalm 145:4

Just A Fidget Spinner ~ With Lights

Sisters, Frederick Morgan (1847-1927)

I took my sister to a medical appointment today, and we stopped for lunch and did a little shopping afterward. I've mentioned before that she can go nowhere unless someone in the family takes her. She is dependent on those who love her, and when I picked her up, she was eager for the day.

Our first stop--a shoe shop for me to look for a pair of flats, and I asked if she needed any shoes. No, she got a new pair of walking shoes when she was out with Jeanne. So off we went to look for a plate rack for re-organizing one of my kitchen cabinets. I had commented to her that if she saw something she'd like to get, just let me know. Her first thought was getting something for our Dad for his upcoming birthday (91!), but we didn't see anything at Bed, Bath & Beyond for him.

Then her eye caught sight of a Fidget Spinner as we were leaving. She had seen one that we had gotten for our Elijah when he was visiting a couple of months ago, and she wanted one herself. But, alas, these were smaller and didn't light up. She really would like to have one like Elijah's that lights up. So we were on the look-out the rest of our shopping trip.

I've seen them practically every place I've been the last several months, but there were none to be found in the stores where we were stopping. When it was time to admit defeat and go home, she just said, "That's okay. Would you get me one for my birthday?" My heart was pricked. The only thing she wanted on this shopping trip was a Fidget Spinner with lights. I remembered that we got Elijah's at Walmart, so her spirits rose again as we headed there on our way home. Up and down the toy aisles we went. There they are! But they don't have lights. Maybe they have some near the check outs. Let's go see. Oh, yes! And they have lights, and her favorite color blue! So ended a happy shopping day for her. Satisfied. Content. Thank you, Father God, for your faithful love and provision.

Just a Fidget Spinner with lights is all Dorothy wanted. How different than the gal I saw this week wearing a t-shirt that said, "Enough is Never Enough." Yes, my sister is simple-minded, but I think she is probably more content with what she has than most of us are. So we came home with her Fidget Spinner with lights and my two pairs of shoes. And I felt so extravagant.

Thankful Thursday ~ For In-Home Care

So thankful for those with compassion who offer in-home care. This is a growing service, not readily available many years ago. I often wondered what my growing-older years would be like. Some things change for the better, and being able to remain at home or getting help for any reason is one of the good changes. As my parents put it, they're in a different stage of life and need to do things a bit differently. So thankful they realize that.

We were able to link up this week with First Light, an In-Home Care service in our area recommended by friends who are thrilled with the caregiver they have. They offer many in-home services, not just for the elderly, but for new moms or anyone who needs some assistance. First Light came for a consultation this week, and they seem to be truly caring and capable. My mother is excited to get help with meal preparation, particularly with getting meals into the freezer. So that's their first start with First Light.

We shopped this week for a new refrigerator for Mom with plenty of freezer space. They found the one she loves yesterday, and it's being delivered tomorrow. And it was on sale. Yay! Thankful for God's provision in that as well!

People with compassion, using their abilities and giftedness to bring encouragement and care to others in this journey of life. May God return the blessing to them, poured into their lap in good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over (Luke 6:38).

So thankful!

P.S. You can click on the image to go to their website. 

Thankful Thursday

Thankful today for God's blessing and His intervention. We were blessed last weekend with time at a cabin in the Red River Gorge of Kentucky with our daughters and their families. We live so far apart that getting us all together doesn't happen very often, but neither do milestone birthdays. We celebrated My Beloved's over the weekend and then celebrated our Elijah's eighth with a birthday breakfast of happy-face pancakes before we parted ways on Sunday. If you have grandchildren or grandparents living nearby, do be thankful for the blessings of being easily accessible to one another. There are blessings all the way around.

We're also thankful for God's intervention and sparing harm to our daughter and her husband as they were coming to meet us. Pouring rain, interstate driving over Tennessee's mountain curves, hydroplaning, slamming into the guardrail, spinning, slamming into the concrete barrier, coming to a stop in the middle of the highway. Scary stuff, but God intervened by delaying traffic (especially big trucks on the curvy downhill side of the mountain) while a guardian angel helped them get the car out of the driving lanes and directed traffic while they waited for the police. They were accident #8 in a 10-mile stretch within the hour. Shaken up and a broken rib, but they were able to join us the next day.

Thankful for what we receive and what we miss. Both were blessings.

Thankful Thursday ~ My Beloved's Kindness

Thankful today for My Beloved's kindness and care for my parents and sister. It was his decision to move here so we could be of help to them. I am the eyes and ears; he is often the hands. He put up additional shelves in my sister's closet today, which she was very glad about. Last week he helped my dad cut a couple of branches from a maple tree that Dad was concerned about being too close to their house. But we must also be attentive to what they feel they can tend to themselves. Later in the day when I brought my mother and sister home from shopping, my 90-year-old dad had been on a ladder sawing off more branches from that tree! Oh, me!!

O Lord that lends me life,

Lend me a heart replete with thankfulness!

~ William Shakespeare

Rescue Your Children

Do you know what or who your children worship? They probably don't. Do you know what or who rules their hearts? My guess is, they don't. Do you know why they do what they do? They don't know this either. But do you?

We are given glimpses all the day long of what rules our children's hearts. Do you see it? Do you hear it? We are given opportunities from sun-up to sun-down to help them see themselves. To help them understand why they do what they do. To affirm them or to help them know how to change. Heart change. We have myriad of opportunities to encourage them or to rescue them from themselves.

Do you see your parent-role as an encourager? A rescuer? Or are those opportunities ones of irritation, annoyance, aggravation? Anger? Do you know why you react the way you do? Do you know who or what rules your own heart?

Most of us worship ourselves. Worship? Yes. Who do we want to please most of all? Who is at the center of our lives? What do we put the most effort into and why? If we respond in irritation, it's because we don't want to be bothered by whatever is going on. We respond in anger because we've dealt with this or that over and over again, and they keep at it. They keep at it because there hasn't been a heart change. And we respond in like kind... because there hasn't been a heart change in us either.

We can make a rules list for our home. Say please and thank you. Use indoor voices. Don't hang "Do Not Enter" signs on your bedroom door. Don't stare at your sister. No arguing. I said to my girls one day when they were growing up, "If you can't get along with each other, then just separate and go to your rooms!" All of a sudden, I actually heard what I had said. I was setting the stage for separation and divorce! I was not teaching them how to deal with disagreements. I was not reaching their hearts the way they needed me to do. I was simply laying down the law because I was aggravated that they were arguing. I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit opened my ears to hear that day.

Rules don't make for heart change. Rules might keep things quieter when they know I'm listening. But that won't carry them into an honorable, satisfying marriage relationship. Helping them to understand that they're arguing because each of them wants what each of them wants, not what's in the best interest of the other person, is what will help them change. That's reaching into the heart.

That's the rescuing role of a parent. It takes time, though. And it takes their own willingness to take ownership of what's going on inside themselves. We cannot force the change, but we can offer the rescue. Offer the rescue, time and time again. Encourage and affirm, time and time again. What a wonderful privilege to work alongside the Holy Spirit as God calls our children to Himself! Implore Him for wisdom.... and patience.

Painting ~ Hush A Bye, George Goodwin Kilburne 1839-1924

Thankful Thursday ~ The Pediatric Staff

Thankful today for a friendly and caring staff where I took our 7-year-old Elijah this morning. We picked up the grandchildren for a week's visit earlier in the week, just as Elijah was beginning to feel droopy, as he put it. After a few days, it was evident that something was going on besides droopiness. We were able to get him in to see a pediatrician today, where the flu was confirmed as well as a couple of accompanying ailments.

It's not a pleasant thing for a little fella to have to go to the doctor, much less to one he doesn't know. But Elijah said he liked the visit (and was glad he didn't have to get a shot!). The staff was very accommodating and kid-friendly, and the office decor was bright and happy.

So thankful for a good experience and for those who care enough to provide it. Today's visit was one of God's abundant blessings.

From the Mouth of Babes ~ Internal Life

The grandchildren are visiting this week, and four-year-old Anna sings as she plays. One of her recurring songs is the children's chorus of John 3:16-- For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. Anna's rendition, however, is internal life.

As I listen to her sing and think upon the words, I realize that even though she alters the words here and there, she still expresses a biblical truth. It is God that changes us from the inside out. He is the one who will change her as she grows to love Him.

Anna is a sweet little girl (as all granddaughters are), but there are things about her that need changed. Neither her parents nor we want her to stay as she is (although being little is oh, so precious!). But we cannot change her. Only God can do that, yet he calls parents and grandparents to be influential toward that change, to demonstrate His grace as He works internally in her heart and mind.

External controls and power plays do not bring internal change. When the externals are no longer viable (children do eventually get bigger than their parents and sometimes smarter), our children do (as we did) whatever it is that they want to do. If all we have are external controls, we will have failed them, and our relationship will fail as well.

Only internal motivations bring life-giving change, and it thrills us as parents and grandparents to see evidence of such change. Anna came into this world with a selfish heart. She has been a me-first, this-is-mine, I-want-it-now little person. But in this visit, we see change in her. All of that selfishness is not gone, but she is internalizing more of what it means to think of the other person a little bit, too. God's grace has been at work through her parents, instruments in the hands of the One who is calling her to an abundant, internal, eternal life.

Jesus says that He came to give life, and to give it abundantly (John 10:10). Our privilege as parents and grandparents is to help the children step into that abundant life that only God's grace provides.

Painting ~ The Tea Party, Eastman Johnson 1824-1906

Thankful Thursday ~ For God's Intervention

This time last week things were not looking very good for my mother. Chest pressure, runaway heartbeat, climbing blood pressure. So the ambulance was called around bedtime, and she was taken to the ER. She had been in and out of the hospital a few times recently with stoke-like symptoms and atrial fibrillation, but this night was to be more alarming. While in the ER, her blood pressure and pulse began to drop dangerously low, and the staff prepared for an emergency cardioversion.

My sister had gone home to get a bag for spending the night with Mom, not realizing things were getting as serious as they were. Upon arriving, she found the ER staff hastily working with Mom. After a few moments, she was asked to leave the room, and as she did she offered a simple prayer for God to spare our mother, yet for his will to be done. At that very moment, Mom's blood pressure and pulse returned to normal, just as the shock was about to be given. God had intervened.

Mom is not afraid of death. Indeed, she is looking forward to seeing her heavenly Father. Sometimes He chooses to intervene in the natural processes of our physical body; sometimes He doesn't. His ways are not our ways; His thoughts are not our thoughts. For whatever His reason or purpose last week in giving Mom more days on this earth, we are thankful.

To God be the glory, great things He has done!