We are given glimpses all the day long of what rules our children's hearts. Do you see it? Do you hear it? We are given opportunities from sun-up to sun-down to help them see themselves. To help them understand why they do what they do. To affirm them or to help them know how to change. Heart change. We have myriad of opportunities to encourage them or to rescue them from themselves.
Do you see your parent-role as an encourager? A rescuer? Or are those opportunities ones of irritation, annoyance, aggravation? Anger? Do you know why you react the way you do? Do you know who or what rules your own heart?
Most of us worship ourselves. Worship? Yes. Who do we want to please most of all? Who is at the center of our lives? What do we put the most effort into and why? If we respond in irritation, it's because we don't want to be bothered by whatever is going on. We respond in anger because we've dealt with this or that over and over again, and they keep at it. They keep at it because there hasn't been a heart change. And we respond in like kind... because there hasn't been a heart change in us either.
We can make a rules list for our home. Say please and thank you. Use indoor voices. Don't hang "Do Not Enter" signs on your bedroom door. Don't stare at your sister. No arguing. I said to my girls one day when they were growing up, "If you can't get along with each other, then just separate and go to your rooms!" All of a sudden, I actually heard what I had said. I was setting the stage for separation and divorce! I was not teaching them how to deal with disagreements. I was not reaching their hearts the way they needed me to do. I was simply laying down the law because I was aggravated that they were arguing. I'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit opened my ears to hear that day.
Rules don't make for heart change. Rules might keep things quieter when they know I'm listening. But that won't carry them into an honorable, satisfying marriage relationship. Helping them to understand that they're arguing because each of them wants what each of them wants, not what's in the best interest of the other person, is what will help them change. That's reaching into the heart.
That's the rescuing role of a parent. It takes time, though. And it takes their own willingness to take ownership of what's going on inside themselves. We cannot force the change, but we can offer the rescue. Offer the rescue, time and time again. Encourage and affirm, time and time again. What a wonderful privilege to work alongside the Holy Spirit as God calls our children to Himself! Implore Him for wisdom.... and patience.
Painting ~ Hush A Bye, George Goodwin Kilburne 1839-1924
