It's Not Easy Being Vulnerable

Thinking about Proverbs 13:3:

The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

Mark Twain put it this way:

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

That's sometimes my own MO. As an introvert, it's easier to stay quiet. Keeps me out of some trouble, too. Speaking up is more of a challenge for me than keeping my mouth shut. I sometimes regret what I've said and think about it far too long into the night. We introverts tend to be too introspective.

But relationships aren't nurtured very well without conversation. And so I must give attention to guarding what I say, to whom I say it, and about whom I say it.

And yet, being vulnerable enough to share my sorrows and struggles without the fear of being labeled in ways I don't intend or are not motivated by. Of letting someone into my heart to see the real me.

But also being open enough to examine my own heart issues about what I say, to whom I say it, and about whom I say it.

It's not easy being vulnerable.

Painting ~ Portrait of a  Girl, Blanche Macarthur, 1870-1896
public domain, WikiGallery

Mealtime Conversations

Friday is pizza day for me, and while we were out this evening at our favorite place, we overheard delightful conversation from across the way. A family with a teenaged boy and girl truly seemed to be enjoying have an evening out for pizza themselves. While most often we see families busy with their iphones when we're in a restaurant, this family was having a lively, loving conversation as they discussed the happenings of the day.

I stopped for a brief chat with them as we were leaving, offering a word of commendation. The daughter was quite a chatterbox, although all were adding to the conversation and heartily laughing. The dad commented that when she's around there's always conversation. I commented that they were also actively engaged in listening while she was talking, which is just as rare these days. They were truly a blessing.

They reminded me so much of our own mealtime conversations with our daughters when they were living at home. Such good memories. Mealtime is a favorable time for re-connecting and learning what's going on in each other's lives, opportune moments for discipling.

It was easy to see that these parents know what's going on in their children's lives. Do you?

Painting ~ One of the Family, Frederick George Cotman

1850-1920, public domain via Wikimedia Commons

Keep Silence, O My Soul

If I cannot keep silence over a disappointing soul 

(unless for the sake of that soul's good 

or for the good of others it be necessary to speak), 

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

~ Amy Carmichael

(from her little book If, based on her meditations on 1 Corinthians 13)

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me and know my anxious thoughts;

And see if there be any hurtful way in me,

And lead me in the everlasting way.

~ Psalm 139:23-24

Crossing Paths Again

I was talking with a friend recently about our upcoming move, and she commented that I probably would miss running into friends while out and about shopping and such. Yes, that I will miss. A friend that I hadn't seen for several years came into the restaurant where we were eating on Sunday. It was so good to catch up with how things are going with her and then hug goodbye. Then we ran into one of My Beloved's friends yesterday, and they talked for awhile.

Today a friend that I haven't seen for many, many years crossed my path at the grocery store. I was ever so glad that I didn't go shopping yesterday as is my usual routine. I would have missed a wonderful, timely blessing. 

She has been taking care of her 95-year-old mother who has had Alzheimer's for eleven years, staying at her mother's home and keeping it up for her since it was familiar to her, tending to her flowers, planting some zucchini, keeping things as best she can as her mother knew them. My friend has had shoulder replacements and has difficulty moving one arm, so her son helps with getting his grandmother in and out of bed and tending to some basic needs, while his little 3-year-old plays and brings joy to Great-Grandma, sitting on her lap and talking to her. Before caring for her mother, my friend had taken care of her father for three years before he passed on. Before that she and her husband had brought someone into their own home that they had met while camping and was caregiver to her, and before that they had brought a friend of their son's into their home and had taken care of him for three years. Sad to say, though, her adult daughter's life is a mess. She has a lot that could depress her.

But in the midst of it all, my long-time friend is a joy-filled woman. She says that some people tell her that she should put her mother in a care home. "What?!" she says, "And miss all of the love and joy I've had over these years with her? Memories I will cherish forever?!" We had a wonderful conversation about God's abundant grace and how His mercies are new every morning. Grace and mercy that she may never have known except for the difficulties and challenges of life. His grace is truly sufficient. And His love abounds.

Father God knew that my friend and I needed that conversation today. He planned it that way...for both of us, for our paths to cross once again. For her, because she doesn't get out much to talk to people. For me, because I was discouraged after listening to My Beloved's friend yesterday talk about all he is doing--writing books, speaking several times a week in different locations, visiting in nursing homes, overseeing a chaplains' group, and how so many people are so glad that he's doing what he's doing. And on and on. I came away from that conversation feeling like I wasn't doing much of anything that really mattered. Does anyone even read my little blog posts?

Then I look up today across the rows of produce, and there's my friend from long ago. And God uses that encounter to remind me that there are a gazillion ways to do good and to bring Him glory. And that what I do does matter....to Him and to others.

Long-time friends pick up where they left off. So we hugged goodbye and said that we were so glad we ran into each other today, that both of us needed that conversation, and that if we don't see one another again here, we'll look for each other up there. And please give your mama a hug for me.

So, dear one, keep looking upward and homeward, where blessings abound and God's mercies are new every morning. And remember that what you are doing today matters. A lot.

Painting ~ The Day's Catch, Daniel Ridgway Knight 1839-1924
Wiki Commons public domain

A Word Fitly Spoken and A Listening Ear

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.  

~ Proverbs 25:11

You just never know when a conversation you're having turns out to be a word fitly spoken. My dental hygienist was heavy-hearted today and much spilled forth as she cleaned and polished. Of course, there's not much that can be said with dental instruments in your mouth, so mostly I listened, with an encouraging word given here and there. I'm glad she didn't have a busy schedule today because we spent an hour and a half 'talking' things over. She said she had come to work discouraged but felt so much better after our 'conversation'. Sometimes all it takes a listening ear.

You just never know when the Lord wants to encourage someone through you. He uses simple things, and He often uses us in spite of ourselves. He did that today. I was wanting to do some shopping afterward before school traffic started, and early-on in the 'conversation' was beginning to feel a bit anxious that progress on my teeth was going so slowly. God had other plans for my afternoon, though, and I'm so thankful for the privilege of being an instrument in the hands of the Redeemer to encourage a fellow believer. In spite of myself.

Painting ~ Gather Ye Rosebuds While Ye May, John William Waterhouse,1909
Wiki Commons public domain

The Supper Table ~ A Good Time for Discipleship

My Beloved and I were out to our homeschool class today and stopped at a family-owned restaurant for supper on the way home. There was a family across the way with two sons who were playing chess on their laptop computer. No conversation was going on among the family--just passing the laptop back and forth. Recently we were in a restaurant, and grandparents had their young grandson with them. They had brought a DVD player, and he was watching some cartoons. At another restaurant not long ago, a family with three children had come in and while the children were coloring, the parents were both busy with their cell phones. The same thing was true on another occasion. And just last week when we were out, there were a couple of women at a nearby table with their daughters, who were on their cell phones. At least the women were talking to each other! None of the others seemed to exchange more than a dozen words. Physically together, but emotionally disconnected.

As I was watching this family today, my mind went back to when our daughters were younger and living at home and the depth of conversations we would have at supper time. We'd more often than not spend an hour or so at the table, simply sharing happenings of the day or talking about some pertinent topics or struggles they may be having. That was a time purposefully set aside for our family to come together and talk. Supper was a major tool for discipling our family.

If parents aren't diligent about redeeming the time they do have with their children, the years will be gone before they know it. Our culture has become noisy and cluttered to the extreme. The fast pace gets many people addicted to their own adrenalin, and they speed up life far beyond what they can emotionally or physically handle. Such a condition gives birth to depression and hopelessness.

If you have a family at home and you aren't doing so already, I encourage you to be diligent about providing time and space for your children to reflect and contemplate. Bring some quiet to their days, and be cautious of adding activity upon activity that rushes them through each day. I encourage you to disciple your children. That takes conversation. At least leave the technology out of the room when you sit down to eat together. Look each other in the eyes and talk to one another. You just might be surprised at what you hear. Maybe even more surprised at what you say.

Painting ~ One of the Family, Frederick George Cotman, 1880