It's Not Easy Being Vulnerable

Thinking about Proverbs 13:3:

The one who guards his mouth preserves his life; The one who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.

Mark Twain put it this way:

"It's better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt."

That's sometimes my own MO. As an introvert, it's easier to stay quiet. Keeps me out of some trouble, too. Speaking up is more of a challenge for me than keeping my mouth shut. I sometimes regret what I've said and think about it far too long into the night. We introverts tend to be too introspective.

But relationships aren't nurtured very well without conversation. And so I must give attention to guarding what I say, to whom I say it, and about whom I say it.

And yet, being vulnerable enough to share my sorrows and struggles without the fear of being labeled in ways I don't intend or are not motivated by. Of letting someone into my heart to see the real me.

But also being open enough to examine my own heart issues about what I say, to whom I say it, and about whom I say it.

It's not easy being vulnerable.

Painting ~ Portrait of a  Girl, Blanche Macarthur, 1870-1896
public domain, WikiGallery

Introverts in Evangelical America

via pixabay

I often see parents rather embarrassed that their children are not as outgoing as they'd like for them to be. They offer comments as to their shyness, being backward, or being timid and push or pull them forward to participate in whatever is going on. These children often grow into adulthood feeling inadequate in social settings because the way God made them is not acceptable in our American culture.

As Adam McHugh, pastor/introvert and author of the book Introverts in the Church says, "Introverts are usually defined by what we're not rather than by what we are." I came across an article yesterday by McHugh and thought I'd share just a bit of it with you today. He has some thoughts worth pondering for and about the 50% of Americans whom he says studies have shown to be introverted. For those who are, take heart. For those who aren't and have children who are, take note.  He writes...

But the truth is that we [introverts] are people who are energized in solitude, rather than among people. We may be comfortable and articulate in social situations and we may enjoy people, but our time in the outer worlds drains us and we must retreat into solitude to be recharged. We also process silently before we speak, rather than speaking in order to think, as extroverts do. We generally listen a little more than we talk, observe for a while before we engage, and have a rich inner life that brings us great stimulation and satisfaction. Neurological studies have demonstrated that our brains naturally have more activity and blood flow, and thus we need less external stimulation in order to thrive.

Mainstream American culture values gregarious, aggressive people who are skilled in networking and who can quickly turn strangers into friends. Often we identify leaders as those people who speak up the most and the fastest, whether or not their ideas are the best.

Even more dangerous is the tendency of evangelical churches to unintentionally exalt extroverted qualities as the "ideals" of faithfulness. Too often "ideal" Christians are social and gregarious, with an overt passion and enthusiasm. They find it easy to share the gospel with strangers, eagerly invite people into their homes, participate in a wide variety of activities, and quickly assume leadership responsibilities. Those are wonderful qualities, and our churches suffer when we don't have those sorts of people, but if these qualities epitomize the Christian life, many of us introverts are left feeling excluded and spiritually inadequate. Or we wear ourselves out from constantly masquerading as extroverts.

~ Adam McHugh, author of Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture

Excerpted from an article that first appeared in the Washington Post, September 10, 2010

Image ~ via pixabay
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